Everybody Does It...: Sep 24, 2007

Senior Year. Prom Night. Most expensive hotel in town. Such was the scene of devirginization. Trust me: as a literature major, the irony of this cliche is not lost on me.

I wasn't in love. I had no idea what to expect or even what I was doing. There was just something about that night, that place, that made it seem like it was right. Senior prom signals the end of the high school experience. The last hurdle before graduation unwittingly declares us adults, ready to go out into the world to pursue higher education and careers. For me it was about declaring my willingness to accept maturity and to begin making choices that are important to development, and subsequently dangerous to my health. I have a policy of never regretting the choices I make, accepting the fatalist viewpoint that everything happens for a reason. But the question begs to be asked: Why didn't I wait?

Some of my friends lost their virginity to their high school sweetheart; others can barely remember the person's name. Some of them can recount the details as vividly as if it had occurred yesterday, while others have hazy recollections of the alcohol-induced affair. Some were younger than me, others older. Some are still dating the one they gave their innocence to, and some don't speak to them anymore. I haven't seen the guy since that night, and now he claims to be interested in women on the Facebook. Still, no regrets.

This might help to explain why I think virginity is overrated. I mean, unless you are seriously thinking you will have only one sexual partner for your entire life, then waiting strikes me as a really foolish thing to get wrapped up in. Every first time that you sleep with someone will be a special occasion (assuming you remember it.) So why does the first time first time freak people out so much? Part of me would love to chalk this up to pop culture, like movies from the 80s and today that bill the loss of virginity as the single most important moment in someone's high school or college career. For some people this may be the case. But my impression is that for most it is just an uncomfortable event that occurred one night when they no longer felt like prolonging the inevitable.

If you are a virgin, please don't assume that I am telling you to go out and lose it as soon as possible lest you be subject to ridicule. Like all things, it happens at different times for different reasons for everyone. Here is a little bit of advice, however. If you have the opportunity to do it with someone that you trust and care about, and you are mature enough to take the next step, do it. If you let the chance to do it with someone you're comfortable with pass you by, chances are that you will end up sleeping with someone you care less about and regret may follow. Like the senior prom, virginity is the last hurdle to adult relationships. Once you have lost the stigma and acute self-awareness that accompanies virginity, you will be able to see not only yourself as an adult but as an equal player in the social and romantic world of college. You should also keep in mind that virginity is not the final threshold. There are so many other things that will develop your sexual maturity as you continue to experience new and different things. Losing your virginity is just the springboard.

As a final note, it isn't supposed to be good your first time. At all. So don't expect your back to arch and incredible moans to be pouring from your mouth like you have seen in movies. Watch Cruel Intentions, they got it right. It's intense, but when you are done you will find yourself wondering what took you so long to do it in the first place. So while I am not recommending to anyone to run out and sleep with the first person you meet on the quad, the question I might ask some of you is, "whatcha waitin' for?"

Originally appeared in The Eagle, September 1, 2005

Everybody Does It...

Monday, September 24, 2007

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Everybody Does It... Leaps of faith easier with someone to break the fall - The Scene

Everybody Does It... Superstitions fail to prevent the inevitable - The Scene

Everybody Does It... Candid camera captures college - The Scene

Everybody Does It...Playing third wheel sometimes proves rewarding, eye-opening - The Scene

Everybody Does It...Spring break begins life-long exploration - The Scene

Everybody Does It...Doing your laundry won't wash away previous romances - The Scene

Everybody does it...Indulgence leads to stomach, heart ache - The Scene

Everybody does it...Latest technology tells ageless lessons - The Scene

Everybody does it... Collegiate transitions taxing on mind, body - The Scene

Everybody does it...Honesty, openness key to breakup bliss - The Scene

Everybody does it...Lumps of coal for heart, soul - The Scene

Who's Still Holding Onto That V-Card? (My First Column 9/1/2005)

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