Déjà Screw

Déjà vu is described as the illusion of having previously experienced something actually being encountered for the first time. Though I sometimes have this uncanny feeling that the scene before me, no matter how mundane or common, is something I’ve seen before in a dream, déjà vu is stil lnot quite as unsettling as déjà screw: the uncertain feeling or absolute assertion that the person you just fucked was someone you have actually encountered before. Like the French term that precedes it, this sensation may sometimes only be an illusion, clouded by alcohol, drugs, or blind lust. The encounter may only appear to be the same, but in the gay community, these occurrences are not altogether uncommon.

It is important to realize that déjà screw is not exclusive to just sexual encounters. Every day and night we face the possibility of running into an ex, a former fuck buddy, or a one night stand. If we are sober enough to maintain composure and remember their name, awkwardness can usually be easily diffused with a nod of the head, perhaps a casual smile, and noncommittal wink. It’s enough to acknowledge their presence and not be forced to engage in forced pleasantries or small talk.


Other times we willingly stroll back down memory lane and revisit lovers from the past. Usually their technique is unaltered, the progression from making out to descending kisses in a neck to ear to nipples to navel and beyond remains as classic as our parents’ Joy of Sex how-to guide for hippies. And our déjà screw reminds us why we psychologically repressed them in the first place. If they surprise us, and go beyond our expectations, then it isn’t déjà screw at all and we are freed to begin replacing our old impressions of their inexperience with new, more pleasurable encounters.

In either situation the experience of déjà screw is always initially uncomfortable. We’ve put on weight, and forgot to trim; he still tastes like cigarettes, and you aren’t drunk enough not to care. Every repeated encounter offers an opportunity for redemption, but like LSAT scores, they will still be averaged with any previous attempts. Even if we’ve learned to perform like a porn star, will he ever be able to forget the time we came too quickly, or passed out before we could uneven undress?

Like any good made for TV offer, I would like to think that my love life should be satisfaction guaranteed. I often give former lovers I feel could have done better, a second chance to show me what they got. Call it desperation or laziness, but I think we can all admit to being intrigued by a guy who comes back months, or even years later. It is never quite long enough to forget the bedroom scenes entirely, but usually long enough that we aren’t completely opposed to repeating them. Some guys have appeared so out of left field and from ages ago that I wasn’t even able to recall whether I’d even seen them naked. They have definitely been on the bench long enough to come out and play.

But there are some experiences we know we’ll never want to relieve, whether for the damage they caused to our lower digestive system or our hearts, a déjà screw encounter would almost certainly evoke more pain than pleasure. Though we may flirt with the idea when we see them out or online, a brief recall of their offenses should dissuade this notion.

When we find ourselves in the déjà screw scenario in which the scene resembles a former hook-up and only the other leading man has changed, we also must reassess how much of a part we are playing in the recreation of these scenes. It’s not fate that saw me tumble bleary eyed into the Sunday morning sunshine, exiting yet another Chelsea penthouse, but my own subconscious desire to recapture a feeling of decadence and dismissal.

Déjà vu is also described as dull or boring, and disagreeable. The feeling is universally considered to be unpleasant. I think we can all admit that though a déjà screw can be fun or even quite pleasurable, because of the memories and feelings it recalls, it will never satisfy the same as a fresh start with a new crush. We may find ourselves in new places or with new people but if it feels like the same routine then it is definitely time for a change. The literal translation of déjà vu is “already seen,” and I can’t think of a description I’d like to be applied less to anyone I call my lover.

Originally appeared on 9/9/2008 at http://www.homo-neurotic.com/2008/09/08/everybody-does-it-deja-screw/