Accommo-dating Socialites

Our celebrity-obsessed culture has made it harder to date than ever before. Every budding ingénue is a socialite, accommodating every young hunk and his entourage thinks they are the reincarnation of the Rat Pack. A society of status has filtered down to the masses through the ubiquitous social networking sites. I will admit, I am a self-proclaimed socialite, but I accept both the good and the bad that the moniker implies. A socialite at their best prides themselves on numerous and diverse social cliques and interests, at their worst they are nothing more than vapid, fame-seeking whores who subsist on being seen. Though catfights abound, historically, socialites are most in crisis when they attempt to enter relationships. Their sole persona has been crafted from their singularity, so it’s no surprise that becoming comfortable as a couple oft meets with limited success.

Case examples of this phenomenon are documented in every Hollywood weekly and gossip blog, where celebrity couples are scrutinized until they end in eventual heartbreak. Proof that one cannot exist in the public eye as both an independent half of a pair is exhibited by these publications’ predilection of combining the two stars’ names into something cute and clever like Brangelina. For us commoners our relationship ups and downs are charted on the news feeds of thousands of our closest friends and stalkers.

I recognize the fact that I will not be gracing the cover of US Weekly in the near future, nor will I have to worry that Perez will out me to the world, I took care of that myself. But you can’t deny that no matter who you are, you sometimes feel defined by whom you are dating. The truth is that every new potential mate forces us to express the qualities we feel they’ll favor, and suppress the traits we worry they may disapprove of. This may not be a groundbreaking revelation, but I think it’s time we’ve examined our propensity of ‘accomo-dating.’

It’s no mystery that we all try to put our best foot forward when it comes to dating. When I date an older guy I want him to take me seriously, and find me intelligent and mature. For outdoorsy guys I’ll talk about how I love to run and be out in nature, even if this usually means a treadmill and the patio at my favorite bar. No matter what his interests, I will find a way to cater my life experience to make it seem like we’re a perfect match. The trouble is that if our conversations remain restricted to those narrow topics I will quickly lose interest, or he’ll begin to realize I may not know as much as I portrayed.

The whole point of online dating was supposed to have made all of this easier. You list what interests you in every category imaginable, you can upload countless photos, add applications, videos, news stories, or anything that strikes your fancy, but yet it seems like it’s never been harder to get to know who someone really is. The more filters and criteria I create for the type of guy I’m looking for, the more frustrated I become with the options available.

So what’s a lonely homo to do? The last (and probably only) successful relationship I had with a guy online I thought would never go past a first date. I found his profile to be so contrary to my personality that I assumed we’d meet for a drink and go our separate ways. Though it did eventually unravel, I was pleasantly surprised with how much we had in common and it was unbeatably attractive to meet someone who exceeded my expectations. Perhaps the key is to avoiding examining all the little details we share so openly online and ask someone out who may just say one thing that intrigues you. If the conversation doesn’t progress from there then just call it another loss.

We may all think we’re celebrities in this internet age, but we can’t be afraid to challenge the way that we view ourselves and others, and more importantly to be brave enough to allow others to see us in a new light. Sex and dating aren’t about accommodating to suit the whims of another, but about discovering new things we haven’t considered trying and sharing our passions with another. It doesn’t mean we’ll be compatible with everyone, but we will take those lessons with us to the next relationship.

After a weekend that saw me celebrate the birthdays of three close friends in a large gay club, a small house party in Brooklyn, and a private karaoke room, I need a man who’s energetic and adaptable. If Lindsey Lohan can go from curvy, nascent, sex kitten on the arm of Wilmer Valderrama to the skinny, strung out Mrs. Ronson she is today, there must be a guy out there who isn’t afraid of a little self-reinvention. Maybe next time I’ll meet the one that changes me. I just hope his name sounds cute when combined with mine.

Originally published on 8/12/2008 at http://www.homo-neurotic.com/