Choose or Lose

The last time I walked home from my friend’s house, after a party she threw for the Super Bowl, cars drove by honking and cheering for the Giants. Though I have always been more interested in the commercials, fried foods, and beer that accompany the big game than the event itself, it was fun to get caught up in the excitement and reverie of the neighborhood, and celebrate the home team’s victory. But we were all merely spectators; none of us did anything to contribute to the outcome of that game. As I walked home from the same friend’s house on after she hosted an Election night party, though my hood was a bit more sedate then some, even the smiles on the faces of the young people I passed imbued me with a sense of camaraderie. I felt like we were all part of a winning team that had elected Obama, even if they hadn’t voted for him, or voted at all, as Americans we would all be greatly benefiting from the majority’s decision.

Forgive the obvious allusion, but dating today is so often like the election process. When we aren’t reviewing potential candidates online, analyzing their activities, photos, and group affiliations, or vetting them as potential running mates through their quotes, educational and work information, and ‘about me,’ we may be actually getting to know them in person over dinner or drinks. In either case we’re looking for someone who matches our values and interests, and can keep us happy for the term of a relationship. The apparent differences being that our choice for mates is seemingly endless (though nevertheless barren simultaneously), we never know just how long a term we’ll be electing them to, and the real kick in the ass, they have to choose us too.


When a candidate runs for office they have the benefit of a team of advisors and strategists that carefully cultivate and tailor their image to target key demographics and important voting pacs. We or at least I am forever plagued by the fear of the image I am presenting. Social networking and dating sites allow you to share as much or as little of yourself as you’d like, but still fail to give any complete representation of a human. In this sense we are a lot more like politicians than we care to believe. We choose the pictures we make public, for better or worse, list interests and activities that profess our intellect or reveal our vapidness, and we pick and choose our friends and group affiliations carefully or cast our net as widely as possible to appeal to a wider demographic.

Whether your online profile represents you accurately or not, or we’ll ever be able to know a politician the way we know our best friends is open for debate, but even on dates not one of us can claim that the topics we choose to discuss, the stories or embellishments we disclose, or the personal info we reveal, doesn’t usually fit within the mold of the person we’d like to present as a viable candidate for happily ever after. First dates are like job interviews with alcohol, and the fun doesn’t truly begin until some time later when we begin to feel like we can be ‘ourselves,’ whatever revelations that entails.

Unfortunately for politicians they are forever locked in a first, second, or third date state of mind. Whether for their personal privacy or the desire to appear constantly in control, we are given only brief glimpses of their personality, and even that is oft manufactured for talk shows or special appearances at diners and barbecues across the nation. But I suppose it makes sense because we vote for them to take a position that we don’t want or aren’t qualified to fill ourselves, so we’re not meant to know how they are in bed, despite our curiosity.

I’ll remember this election for the rest of my life not just because of its historic nature, or because it was the first time I pulled the lever in person, but because it is the first time I felt like I was partly responsible for helping change America for the better. A good candidate, like a desirable lover or boyfriend imbues you with confidence that your life is about to improve. Though I’m saddened that so many Americans found it fit to legally deny the legal manifestation of our partnerships in their states, I am optimistic that it is only a minor setback on the road to vast and positive change, not just for New York, but for all of America, and that’s something we can all cheer about.

Appeared originally on 11/6/2008 on http://www.homo-neurotic.com/2008/11/06/everybody-does-it-choose-or-lose/