February 14th

For the last three years while writing this column I’ve had the opportunity to write about the one holiday most relevant to a sex and relationships column: Valentine’s Day. Though everyone’s personal opinion of the holiday may vary from love to disgust, from indifference to excitement, I think we all can admit that it is at least impossible not to acknowledge that we are aware that it looms on the horizon. Whether we elect to spend it with a significant other, a group of our single friends, or alone in the dark with a bottle of Scotch, it is important to keep in mind that it is just another day on the calendar, and when its 24 hours have passed our hearts will not have been irreparably damaged or repaired.

To those who consider it to be Single Awareness Day, I agree that the holiday does seem to force us to recognize just how long ‘Single’ has been seared into our relationship status. Indeed, my status has remained unaltered so long that now even the green circle that indicates I am ‘Available’ on G-Chat causes me to simultaneously chuckle ironically while muttering like a crazy homeless man on the subway, “Ain’t that the truth,” to myself. But we must remember that these reminders, like the annual call to make ‘new years resolutions,’ or go ‘back to school shopping’ well beyond our teen years, are not mandatory performances.

Valentine’s Day, like Flag, Arbor, or Groundhog Day, can only have as much importance as we choose to bestow upon it. I am personally not a fan of flags so I choose to abstain from any special celebrations on June 14, but I happen to think that pulling a rodent from a fake log one day a year to predict the weather is particularly brilliant, so February 2 is always a great day for me. But unlike these aforementioned holidays, V-Day carries with it the commercialization and Hallmarkification of Mother’s Day, Christmas, and Easter that demands we also spend money and make special plans to truly celebrate its significance, and that’s what I think makes most people disgruntled.

Recently, my friend was thrown into a rage at the sight of enormous heart shaped boxes of chocolates in Duane Reade and then again at the sight of our favorite bar dripping with glittery hearts and red lit disco balls. Not a huge fan of candy myself, I am never particularly pleased with the prospect of unnecessary caloric intake of the non-alcoholic variety, but I never have had a stroke at their sight either. The truth is I like what the holiday stands for at its core. I’d like to think it is a simple reminder of the love we have in our lives and for singles, the hope that we may someday share it with someone special.

This Saturday, while some of us are staying in cuddling with our lover, or wallowing in self-pity, and others are partying with their friends, or gorging on fondue, I’d like to issue a challenge to everyone. Take a moment to write down just a few things or people that we love in our life. Our job, friends, family, our pets, roommates, hobbies, addictions, and compulsive behaviors, all provide us with the same mix of pleasure and frustration that accompany a relationship, and this year many of us can be so lucky as to worry more about getting laid, than getting laid off.

So even if your status is ‘single,’ it doesn’t mean your V-Day can’t be special. Just don’t try to make love at or to any of the things I just mentioned, unless you want to spend the holiday potentially unemployed, or in jail or the hospital, which may make it a day you dread for many years to come no matter the status of your relationship, and that’s something no one would love.

Appeared Originally on Homo-Neurotic.com on 2/11/09