The Hit List

Though New York is purported to be the largest city in the country, every once in awhile you will still be faced with the unfortunate event of running into someone(s) you absolutely do not want to see. Whether it’s an ex, a one-night-stand, a former friend, unpleasant frenemy, or internet stalker, these can usually be coolly and casually dispensed with a friendly smile and knowing wink so you can appear aloof and preoccupied without having to go to the trouble of actually speaking. But there are always a select few on this list — those whose very presence can very quickly sour a venue or an entire evening. I call them the ‘hit list.’

The ‘hit list’ is an elite roster of these annoying acquaintances or mistakes from our past. Hitlisters make you want to head for the hills the moment you realize they are sharing the same space as you. Whether they are just an ex that ended badly, a fuck that ended awkwardly, or anyone else whose presence you’d done your best to avoid, they all share the same distinction in your mind: you’d rather they be dead than standing next to you in line for an open bar.

I had the ‘exquise douleur’ of running into two such characters over this weekend. One was a fling from my previous city who also made the move to NY and who’s occasional appearance at whatever bar I am patronizing always results in cold stares, sideways glances, and a healthy smirk on his aging face. I generally keep an indifferent expression when encountering these menaces, but even I couldn’t hide my surprise when earlier in the evening I heard the voice of a somewhat recent one-nighter behind me on the subway stairs, and I scurried quickly when I knew he would be following me down the street to the new party I was attending.

Recently my friend had a mild altercation with one a somewhat mutual friend. When that friend stupidly showed his face again at our weekly party, we all wondered what would possibly go down between them. But the guy simply stepped aside as my friend walked by to leave. This of course is the ideal situation when encountering someone on your ‘hit list,’ but otherwise how does one deal with the noxious situation of having to encounter time and again those people we’d prefer to forget?

I’m not sure there is any right answer for this situation, and obviously avoidance and ignoring are my usual M.O., but even these are methods of communication, and ones we should be as keenly aware of as the words we speak directly to others. Actions do speak louder than words, so sometimes it may even be worse not to acknowledge these unwanted party guests, but rather, exchange pleasantries like you couldn’t care less and then carry on with your evening. Sure, it sounds a lot easier than it is, but you’d be surprised the boost a graceful encounter gives your confidence.

The truth is I kind of enjoy killing Hitlisters with kindness or indifference, rather than anything mean-spirited. New York (for the most part) is an island after all so we’re bound to run into these characters time and again, and we only have two decisions to make. When you have the chance to come face to face, to settle the score, either admit defeat or assume triumph and cross them off the list. After all, life’s too short to waste on regret, or to have too many enemies, but then again there are equal opportunities for both in this sleepy little town.

Posted Originally on homo-neurotic.com on 2/17/09