Sexting

I don’t know which I hate checking worse some mornings: my inbox or my outbox. Like many actions performed under duress, desperation, or inebriation, ‘sexting’ is often regrettable. Reviewing the sample of five or six boys in my phone I deemed most likely to fulfill my carnal desires feels like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. Some I haven’t talked to in months, one or two I’ve probably never even met, just chatted with online and exchanged numbers, and the others would probably do the same to me if conditions were similar. My inbox reveals that only 50% even bothered to respond and then only to figure out if I was in their immediate vicinity. Upon finding otherwise, I assume they resumed their lives, severing our already thin electronic connection for the night.

I’m not sure why ‘sexting’ is such a hot phenomenon right now. Sure, no one wants teens to think it’s ok to rush into anything they aren’t mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared for, but why are we even remotely surprised? Once upon a time people wrote dirty letters, then they took racy 3×5’s and Polaroids, eventually home videos strayed into amateur pornography, and celebrity sex tapes became all the rage. With the advent of the Internet the trench coat flasher, streaker, and peeping tom no longer had to lurk outside in the bushes or ambush someone at a bus stop. We all became voyeurs and even more of us, exhibitionists.

The first time I ever saw gay porn, interacted with another gay guy, or shared any sort of gay sexual experience was online. I thought little if not nothing of swapping cock shots in high school with the hot college kid in Chicago, or the minor league hockey player in Canada. What did I care, they were just for them, right? This was before politicians, celebrities, and even our friends had their lives ruined by a vengeful ex, or opportunistic nobodies, when their private pics were made public. It wasn’t until I graduated college did I realize just how damaging sharing these pics could be. Since then my bedroom (for the most part) has been a camera-free zone.

So in a nation of X-Tube and all of its iterations, where teens lead the technology wave and the Internet has been made mobile, did we think that our desire to titillate through text would not emerge? I personally think anyone is entitled to share themselves if the receiver is willing, but I’ve also had a couple friends wake up to some unwelcome photos on their phone, and that must fall somewhere in the sexual harassment spectrum. No touching may have been involved, but the images are still hard to erase from the mind, so perhaps like with any sexual act, one should ask permission first.

As far as the rules of ‘sexting,’ the only one I’m interested in enforcing is: Don’t be a text tease! Though understandable if your ‘sexts’ were sent when you were so mentally incapacitated that you might not be able to follow through with your request, one should do their best not to offer something they don’t intend to give. Invitations to come over or meet up may not be taken as lightly from the other party and will only further damage your reputation as you become undesirable even as a lay of convenience, and that’s pretty pathetic.*

Nevertheless, sometimes we’ll face these mornings, when you just have to take a deep breath and delete all messages. We live in age when an email or text is forgotten as soon as the next one comes in, so chances are these will often be overlooked. Who knows, maybe next time you’ll luck out. So if you’re going to ‘sext,’ please do so safely. Partners you’ve previously been with and trust are fine, but perhaps you should avoid the trick you just met on Manhunt. Be careful what you commit to, you don’t want to let someone down or put yourself in an unsafe situation. And if you’re going to send a pic, do yourself a favor and just find a passable fake online to forward. I don’t think anyone is going to check their phone to compare. If it’s ever released you can honestly say they have the wrong wang.

*Who could forget Pete Wentz’s infamous ’sexts’?

Appeared originally on homo-neurotic.com on 5/7/09