Diving Wading Into Relationships

No matter how old we get there are some habits from our childhood that are hard to break. Though I broke myself on the last minute animal crackers or candy bar purchase in the checkout line, and I no longer hold my breath when passing a graveyard, when getting into a pool or the ocean, I still have to go inch by inch. You dip your foot into the pool, and determine, it is quite cooler than the concrete surrounding. So you begin down the steps, foot-by-foot, knee-by-knee, and eventually you’re up to your waist. This is usually when I hop on my tiptoes and hold my arms out perpendicular to my body. Though the water feels refreshing and comforting even, it takes just a minute to adjust.

Though by adolescence we usually could muster the courage to dive in head first and just get over with in one fell swoop, sometimes we become more cautious with age and revert to childhood shyness. The same can be said of the way we approach relationships. When we’re new to sexual activity we grab impulsively for whatever treat we think will easily satisfy our craving, definitely fret over any encounter with lovers that have since passed on, but as adults we learn to tread carefully into any relationship we think may be a success, instead of diving right in like we may have done as teens or in college.


I thought about this recently as I began to hang out with a boy that had more genuine potential than I’d encountered in the 18 months since my last boyfriend. He possesses nearly every attribute I’d come to consider as negative since my tenure of dating in New York, but yet I can’t deny that being around him seems to comfort and refresh my weary attitude. So much of me wants to be daring and just belly flop my feelings, splashing him with everything I’d kept reserved for so long, but I knew that it would be much safer, and ultimately more satisfying if I let develop one toe, one foot at a time.

It’s strange the way we talk ourselves out of acting impulsively. Though we may want to pig out on the value meal, or eat the rest of the pizza we so carefully stowed in the fridge, we rationalize that we must consider our health, and conserve so as to stretch our resources for as many meals as possible. We may never escape the dread of running into the ghost of a failed relationship, but we learn that the feeling will pass and holding our nose does little to stifle the stench.

I can think of few greater pleasures than coming home after a day at the beach and feeling like the waves are still rocking you to sleep in your bed. When we meet someone that not only makes our heart pound, but allows us to carry that sensation with us, it seems worth it to savor every opportunity to acclimate, and get to know them better, until we finally allow it to all wash over. If the feeling fades and the waves subside, it doesn’t mean we won’t be able to recapture it again with someone new, it just may take awhile. After all, the summer is nearing its end, so there’s never been a better time to go ahead and get your toes wet.

Appeared Originally on Homo-Neurotic.com on 8/19/09