Training for Love

A couple weeks ago I decided I’d be attending my friend’s birthday pool party in Ft. Lauderdale. The problem was the party was exactly a month away and my half naked body had not seen the light of day in more than a year. Those of you that know me know that skin tone was not my concern, my flabby torso on the other hand was very much so. At the perfect juncture of approaching Pride and Mother Nature’s decision to begin easing up on the rain (kinda) I began a new diet and exercise regimen that I hoped would take me from saggy to svelte in the few weeks I had.

I should probably mention that being in a bathing suit was not my only motivation for weight loss and toning. Since I’m going to FL with my best friend and his boyfriend, they also invited one of their friends to come along as well. (Un)fortunately for me said friend has nothing to be ashamed of when he takes off his shirt, and I didn’t want to spend probably my most significant getaway this summer feeling like the fat kid at camp. It may sound superficial, but then again what isn’t when we’re talking about gays and the W in Ft. Lauderdale?

They say it’s good to have a goal in mind when you begin a new diet and/or and work out plan. I didn’t have any specific goals beyond looking hotter, so I try to focus on just following the online programs I’m using and making a conscious effort to improve the health of my diet and shape of my body. Since this is quite vague, it helps that I at least have a deadline to meet. In the mean time all this exercise in the last couple weeks has given me a lot of time to think. Athletes prepare for competitions, actors rehearse for plays, and our education helps prepare us for life and careers. So what is supposed to prepare us for relationships?

I suppose that dates are like try outs, if we make the team or cast we may be asked to rehearse or practice again and again until the final whistle blows or the curtain falls, but in my experience the game is usually over before it begins. Though going on many dates can make each subsequent one easier, it in no way guarantees a higher rate of success. Like in acting, if the role of significant other is not right for us, no amount of rehearsing will make the show a success. So how are we supposed to train?

Well in my superficial mind I decided years ago that every New Years I wouldn’t make a resolution (a practice I’ve since broken) but I’d merely resolve to be a better version of myself. The superficial part was that I thought by working from the outside in, improving my appearance, which would lead to improved confidence, was the way to do so. Somewhere along the way I forgot about this theory and decided that my body was static and if someone was going to love me they would have to except me as is. And though that seemed fine for a while, I think there comes a time when we all hit a wall with ourselves when we realize that it’s not that we aren’t meeting the right guys, or that all the good ones are taken; sometimes a little effort needs to be taken on our part.

So we put ourselves out there. We create a profile online, check out the options and see what’s available. After almost two years and a carousel of first and sometimes second dates I realized the answer: not much. So what do we do? I believe the key is honestly appraising our assets and then deciding the areas that need improvement. Join a gym, take up a new hobby, or commit to reading more, so that you have even more to offer a potential mate.

This may sound like an instructional video for women only going to college to get their MRS. degree, but since we’re dealing with the same sex, we don’t have gender inequality to hide behind. It may sound cynical to diagnose singleness or even unhappiness as a result of our lack of or willingness to improve ourselves, but what I thought years ago is still true. The better we feel about ourselves, in any aspect of our life, the more our confidence grows, which is undeniably more attractive to potential suitors. And if you’re only doing it for yourself, that’s great, you may still find love or at least a hot roll in the hay, even if only for a long weekend.

Appeared originally on Homo-Neurotic.com on 7/11/09