Gaycation, All I Ever Wanted

When I agreed to go to Ft. Lauderdale with my old college roommate, his boyfriend, and a cadre of other gays I thought it would be a mix between a bachelor party and my senior year spring break in Palm Springs. I learned on that spring break that gaycations and Gays Gone Wild type adventures don’t end in college, but rather, as evidenced by the nude and rowdy middle-aged guests at our all men’s resort, extended as long as you wished it to. Though I knew no genitals would be exposed poolside at the W in FTL (probably) I thought the same air of abandon and sexual proclivity would ensue. In reality I discovered that vacationing with mostly couples leaves little chance that you’ll hook-up within your party, or that you’ll have a committed group to go out and procure strange ass from the locals.

In the past, perhaps not so distantly, random hook-ups and one night stands were not that foreign to me, but lately with a renewed commitment to my body for this trip and in general, in addition to joining a site purported to be solely for dating and not a source for meaningless sex, I’ve begun to feel that even if encounters turn out to be meaningless, they should at least have the potential for more. Though I arrived in FL with the intention of feasting on whatever I could get my hands on, I soon realized that perhaps that’s not the sort of fulfillment I needed from this trip at all. I needed an escape from trying to impress and undress potential suitors, and spent the weekend primarily giving my attention to my friends, and perhaps some shot boys.

In New York there are nights when we hit the town with our boys ostensibly to spend time together, dance, and party, but with the ulterior motive of getting laid. I’d have to confess that the times I have ended those nights with a stranger it came as a pretty big surprise to me, as I always liked to keep my expectations low. Though I do often fall prey to flirting and chatting online, or sexting with casual liaisons, none of whom I have the intention of making an honest man, which is no more high brow than picking up a random at a bar. I guess in either case, many of us fill the gaps between relationships, some of which may stretch months or years, with no strings affairs until we meet someone that makes our heart pound AND our stomach flip.

So why go on vacation to do what we already are doing in New York? At home at least we can pretend these random hook-ups may lead to something more substantial, or at least more frequent. On vacation we know that chance is slim. It’s wonderful to get away, but if we spend that time only looking for cheap thrills, it only cheapens the money we spent to be there in the first place. Gaycations may be fun, fabulous, and often frought with drama, but they need not all be orgies. Sometimes all you really need is some rest, relaxation, and time to reflect on how to tackle the challenges that await you at home, whether those be in the office or the bedroom.

B.B. Nichols lives and works in New York. He has been writing Everybody Does It since 2005.

Appeared originally on 7/31/09 on Homo-neurotic.com