When Work Takes Over, A Yea Yea
I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that New Yorkers think we’re smarter than the rest of the country. We work in the most creative industries, run the financial markets, and find ways of purchasing exorbitantly priced footwear on our (usually) meager salaries the majority of which usually goes to rent. So when it comes to dating we eschew the impulse to settle down with our college sweetheart and begin reproducing before our 30’s and instead take our sweet ass time dating a seemingly endless carousel of potential til’ death do us parts until we find someone who meets our requirements for eternal bliss.
When we’re young we’re told to wait to settle down, to focus on our career, ourselves, and not to be in such a rush, and that’s something I’ve clung to throughout college and my first few years of adulthood. But I’ve begun to wonder, is there ever a bad time to look for love? Is there ever a time when we would wish above all else to be uncertain, unsettled, and untethered? I suppose that there is. There is that time when only having to worry about our own needs and wants is primary to worrying about those of another, but then again in this economy, and ever-changing landscape of the workplace where we never know what will happen from year to year, wouldn’t it be nice to have a lover to see us through?
Because of the demands and benefits of our jobs we often find little time to cultivate singular relationships. Long hours, commutes, daily parties and events, and other social commitments make it difficult for us to find the time to devote to screening future mates. Those of us ambitiously minded approach our careers with a tenacity that avoids an ability to prioritize dating until we’ve reached a certain plateau and instead is viewed as an intermittent diversion, like gambling, not truly expected to garner successful results.
But if our resume read like our dating history we’d be mortified. If every failed relationship or series of dates that lead us to nothing further than aborting numbers from our phones were a line on our CV we’d ‘never work in this town again.’ At work we shrug the everyday failures off like we do with our personal lives at times, and celebrate the successes with at an appropriate level, but the difference is that eventually we will hit the pinnacle of our career. There will come a day when we will ultimately plateau and then we’ll slowly decline into retirement. There will be ups and downs in every relationship and for those that fail, a high point may be able to be defined, but for that one that perhaps will last a lifetime, nothing as static will exist.
My parents have been married for almost 40 years and after about a dozen homes in cities all over the country and as many positions and companies for my father what they have to show for it isn’t lauded for them by a healthy retirement fund and vacation homes, but rather their most successful investment is the friendship they have with one another and the pride they share in the success, health, and love of their children and grandchildren. I can only imagine how different life would have been or if it would have been possible had they put their feelings aside at 23 and decided to wait until they felt more established.
Maybe it’s just because it’s the holidays, work has slowed down and capitalist America likes to remind us just how single we are right now since we have no one to buy cashmere and jewelry for, but I think when we try to compartmentalize areas of our life and prioritize one or other for certain periods, we miss out on the excitement of surprise and the true challenge of personal development. There are many ways to be successful and I think the one thing many of us have learned this year is that jobs come and go, but if happiness remains, if satisfaction in how and with whom we spend our time with becomes our priority then who can tell us we aren’t smarter?
Wishing you all a happy holiday(s) and a wonderful new year!
B.B. Nichols lives and works in New York. He has been writing Everybody Does It since 2005.
Originally published on Homo-Neurotic.com on 12/25/09
When we’re young we’re told to wait to settle down, to focus on our career, ourselves, and not to be in such a rush, and that’s something I’ve clung to throughout college and my first few years of adulthood. But I’ve begun to wonder, is there ever a bad time to look for love? Is there ever a time when we would wish above all else to be uncertain, unsettled, and untethered? I suppose that there is. There is that time when only having to worry about our own needs and wants is primary to worrying about those of another, but then again in this economy, and ever-changing landscape of the workplace where we never know what will happen from year to year, wouldn’t it be nice to have a lover to see us through?
Because of the demands and benefits of our jobs we often find little time to cultivate singular relationships. Long hours, commutes, daily parties and events, and other social commitments make it difficult for us to find the time to devote to screening future mates. Those of us ambitiously minded approach our careers with a tenacity that avoids an ability to prioritize dating until we’ve reached a certain plateau and instead is viewed as an intermittent diversion, like gambling, not truly expected to garner successful results.
But if our resume read like our dating history we’d be mortified. If every failed relationship or series of dates that lead us to nothing further than aborting numbers from our phones were a line on our CV we’d ‘never work in this town again.’ At work we shrug the everyday failures off like we do with our personal lives at times, and celebrate the successes with at an appropriate level, but the difference is that eventually we will hit the pinnacle of our career. There will come a day when we will ultimately plateau and then we’ll slowly decline into retirement. There will be ups and downs in every relationship and for those that fail, a high point may be able to be defined, but for that one that perhaps will last a lifetime, nothing as static will exist.
My parents have been married for almost 40 years and after about a dozen homes in cities all over the country and as many positions and companies for my father what they have to show for it isn’t lauded for them by a healthy retirement fund and vacation homes, but rather their most successful investment is the friendship they have with one another and the pride they share in the success, health, and love of their children and grandchildren. I can only imagine how different life would have been or if it would have been possible had they put their feelings aside at 23 and decided to wait until they felt more established.
Maybe it’s just because it’s the holidays, work has slowed down and capitalist America likes to remind us just how single we are right now since we have no one to buy cashmere and jewelry for, but I think when we try to compartmentalize areas of our life and prioritize one or other for certain periods, we miss out on the excitement of surprise and the true challenge of personal development. There are many ways to be successful and I think the one thing many of us have learned this year is that jobs come and go, but if happiness remains, if satisfaction in how and with whom we spend our time with becomes our priority then who can tell us we aren’t smarter?
Wishing you all a happy holiday(s) and a wonderful new year!
B.B. Nichols lives and works in New York. He has been writing Everybody Does It since 2005.
Originally published on Homo-Neurotic.com on 12/25/09
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